First thing that came into my head when i woke up was ' ok ok, i'm awake now, there's school today'.
it wasn't a really fabulous morning because of the fact that you try to play at about 1.45am, you end up sleeping around 3 plus because you can't get to the sleep because there's school the next day and you are feeling restless,jumpy,nervous and all those kind of weird stuffs.
sounds amazing huh. i'm so sure people will be like. YOU WILL MEH?! WTF, stop kidding me, you going nafa lor, what the heck you care about.
well. im sorry to say this. but then again, i'm still here. i'm NOT THERE YET.
try being in somebody's shoe before you shoot the fellow down. he might be stealing food because he got like 20 over family members to feed, one shot down, all starve and die. ok that is another bad analogy i'm very sure. but you get what i mean. if you don't, ....
i'm scared.about this year.supposedly i might do better. but no. it's i MUST do better.what if i don't meet that criteria. that really sucks you know...
shessh.why am i bothering to type all this out.how many actually care when they already have the other concept.
Today's AVA 'lecture' was about those self motivation stuff.some people should really attend that stuff,it's really good , i feel.what matter most is how you are feeling..
agreed on this point. failure is not equals to YOU ARE A FAILURE. e.g you have been through failure throughout your whole life.well. then someone said. its the place that you go to everyday for 10 years to learn that screwed you.why? because you are taught that failure, U, S, F equals to you are lousy.so back to the example. when you are a baby. do people say AH HA! YOU STUPID BABY! YOU STAND FOR A WHILE DEN NOW YOU FALL.FAIL! F! LOSER.
IF THAT ever happens. gosh. you are near apocalypse.
it's always when you hear negative comments about people saying you (which you aren't actually/or not really), you start to BELIEVE IN THEM. and from 'you are stupid' becomes ' i AM stupid' what nonsense is this. it's all influence.
that's what i learn. subconsciousness competence, conscious competence, subcon. incompetence and con. incom. at least for the day.
so you try really hard to believe that it's going to turn out to be a fine day(but did it came true? no). lesson ended early and you come for your cca. ok, then you realise everyone looked zombie-fied.you tried to do whatever you can. what you can? haha.for me to know, for you to find out.
seriously speaking, it makes me feel like i suck, i'm a failure.unable to complete the 'objective'.or meet the target. no one said that to me, but why i say this? cause this is what i feel through experience. subconsciousness.LOL!
it's the first day of school and comes this kind of issue. very cool.
people most probably will go wth clement you can eat shit and die and whatever. and asking what the heck are you trying to prove?
i don't know. i need to rant at least.
LIM CHEN HUNG CLEMENT
11th September 1990
Flute,Piccolo,Piano Riverside Concert Band
Sembawang Symphonic Winds
Sembawang Wind Orchestra Nanyang Junior College Symphonic Band
NAFA Diploma in Music Performance
miyazawaflautist@hotmail.com
WISHLIST
Muramatsu SR
More gigs, performance
More exposure to the scene
Money
Good techniques
To be a professional flautist
Laptop
(:
